Healthy Habits

Affair-Proof Your Marriage

Bad goodbyes don't just happen. Tips for keeping your lifestyle from a downhill slide. by Pam Enderby

Imagine a husband telling his wife he doesn’t want to be married anymore. “We’re not compatible.” Several years of marriage, and he admits he’s never been happy. Too many personal differences keep him from having fun. He walks out, leaving a toddler and a shocked, confused wife. Shortly after, his heart-broken wife discovers he’s having an affair. 

I believe this marital crisis didn’t just happen. I know this young man. He said he desired intimacy with God, but his undisciplined choices and habits diminished his hunger for God. He filled his mind with video games and sensual movies, cultivating an appetite for worldly pleasures. He pursued friendships that ignored righteousness, faith, and purity. He fueled his selfish, ungodly passions. 

This downhill lifestyle is the recipe for an affair. It ignores God’s design for marriage. “Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives… a love marked by giving, not getting.”

Ephesians 5:25 MSG

This isn’t easy. Husbands, it takes conscious, disciplined choices and habits to deepen your desire for God. Consequently, you will do and say what is best for your wife.

“Fill your mind and meditate on things noble, reputable, gracious.”

Husbands and wives, if you want to make an affair-proof marriage, consider making these choices.

  1. Be prepared to escape temptation. Establish boundaries you will not cross… like being alone together in a car, meeting for business lunches, taking walks together, arranging “social” meetings.
  2. Ask a trusted friend to keep you accountable. Be totally honest. “I was tempted today to flirt… and I did.”
  3. Cultivate your relationship with God. Spend time reading His Word and in worship. Pray for purity. Tell God about your temptations and sins. He knows and understands. He offers forgiveness and strength to overcome.
  4. Monitor your thoughts concerning your spouse. Fill your mind and meditate on things noble, reputable, gracious—the best, not the worst, the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise not things to curse. (Philippians 4:9 MSG) I like this quote. “Real men stay faithful. They don’t have time to look for other women because they’re too busy looking for new ways to love their own.”
  5. Take time to deepen your communication. Share and listen to each other on a regular basis.
  6. Nurture yourself physically, mentally and spiritually. Don’t count on your spouse to meet all your needs.
  7. Honor your commitment. (Proverbs 4:23) Don’t follow your feelings. Marriage is a covenant between you, God, and your spouse.
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