When I was a very young girl, we lived near a man who had a beautiful front yard garden, filled with lovely flowers. It was the showpiece of the neighborhood. All these decades later, I still remember that the perimeter of the garden was lined with pansies. Pansies near the sidewalk. Pansies within my little girl reach. And one day, I picked one of those pansies. When my mother learned what I had done, she was displeased. She told me that it was wrong to take the flower. But I already knew that. I knew it as I reached down to pluck it, but it didn’t stop me. 

That wasn’t the end of the matter. My mother told me I had to ring the doorbell of the man in the garden and tell him what I had done. (It was the seventies. Parents didn’t play.) I remember being so ashamed of myself. I was nervous and a bit afraid of our neighbor, but the worst part was knowing I had willfully done a bad thing. 

I never picked another flower without permission again! I even purposefully instructed my children never to pick someone else’s flowers, because the lesson stuck with me. When you help yourself to something someone else has labored over, you have wronged that person, and you will feel the weight of that offense. 

It’s called shame. Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary defines shame as “a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety.” I quote that definition because as I share a few thoughts on the subject, I want it to be clear what I’m talking about. I’m not talking about being verbally abused into self-hatred – being shamed by another person to a harmful extent. I’m also not talking about suffering from a degree of self-abuse or illness that leaves no room for forgiveness.  I’m talking about that experience we all know when we think, “I’m embarrassed and disappointed in myself. I know better than to behave like that.” 

It doesn’t surprise me that the secular world preaches that no one should ever have to feel shame – that everything you do, think and are, is perfectly acceptable. You should be always satisfied with yourself and your choices. Without the mooring of scriptural teaching and Holy Spirit guidance, an innate sense of right from wrong is blended with the desire to serve and please oneself. One of the most self-serving things a person can do is absolve themselves from any guilt for any thought or deed. 

But perhaps we should be alarmed that this view has seeped into the Christian world. Christians, too, tell one another that they should never have to experience that awful feeling that comes from realizing they’ve done something wrong. Some Christians go so far as to say that shame is from the devil. If it hurts – and shame certainly hurts – you shouldn’t have to bear it, they say. While we are meant to encourage each other, Scripture also tells us to teach and admonish one another, to help each other to be better, because none of us is perfect yet. (Frankly, I prefer a friend who wants to see me grow and improve rather than one who pretends there is no error in my ways.)  

It is a glorious truth that Christ will remove our shame, but let us consider the helpful role that it plays initially. If shame is too strong a word and has too many negative connotations, maybe the word “guilt” can serve as a substitute. 

If you have a bad back, your pain drives you to physical therapy or acupuncture or some other sort of treatment.The pain has served a purpose; it caused you to act so you might be restored to good health. Guilt, or shame, plays the same role in our lives. It is used by God to signal to us that something is wrong and that we need to be restored to spiritual health. The Bible teaches us the value of shame. One of the more prominent examples would be Psalm 51, which David wrote in response to his sin against Bathsheba and her husband Uriah. 

For I recognize my rebellion; 

it haunts me day and night.

Against you, and you alone, have I sinned;

I have done what is evil in your sight.

You will be proved right in what you say,

and your judgment against me is just. 

For I was born a sinner—

yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.

(Psalm 51:3-5)

David’s sin haunted him day and night. He felt shame. He is fully aware of his shortcoming, and it is emotionally painful for him. 

But David’s shame led him to repentance:

Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean;

wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

Oh, give me back my joy again;

you have broken me—

now let me rejoice.

Don’t keep looking at my sins.

Remove the stain of my guilt.

Create in me a clean heart, O God.

Renew a loyal spirit within me.

(Psalm 51:7-10)

Shame is a miserable feeling. But it is a useful feeling. The Holy Spirit uses it to bring us to repentance and restore us to godly living. The suggestion that we should never feel shame for what we do is antithetical to biblical teaching. We might even say that this feeling is a gift from God. It is the correction of the Holy Spirit. 

And then, the Savior frees us from all guilt and shame. We repent and turn from our sins, and we are forgiven. The Lord removes our guilt as far as the East is from the West! The psalmist expresses the joy this brings in Psalm 32:5:

Finally, I confessed all my sins to you

and stopped trying to hide my guilt.

I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion 

to the Lord.”

And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.  

Praise God that He leads us to liberation from our sin and shame!